


A Need For Control

by A_Trickster_God



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, valkyrie is mean, valkyrie needs a slap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-01 19:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17873396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Trickster_God/pseuds/A_Trickster_God
Summary: Loki opens up to Thor about what happened on Sakaar with the Grandmaster.Warning for mentions of eating disorders as well as implied rape and self-harm.





	1. Chapter 1

A Need For Control

Asgard was gone. As sad as it was to watch the Realm Eternal turn into nothing but dust, it was necessary. Ragnarok had to be fulfilled and Hela stopped, and for Thor, this was a better alternative to having her take over the remaining eight realms. With the events of the past few days weighing on him heavily, Thor retired to his room leaving Heimdall and Korg to watch over the open universe.

He entered his room and decided to pour up a drink. He filled his glass before looking up and seeing his new look in the mirror. His hand trailed lightly over the edges of the new, golden eye patch he had found. As he reached for his glass, he spotted a familiar face in the mirror behind him. He smiled and turned around. 

Loki was the first to speak. “It suits you.” He took a small step forward.

“You know, maybe you're not so bad after all, brother.” Thor replied with a small chuckle.

“Maybe not.” Loki smiled sadly.

“Thank you. If you were here, I might even give you a hug.” Thor lightly threw a bottle cap towards Loki, expecting it to pass through the illusion.

“I'm here.” Loki caught the cap in his hand and walked towards Thor. He dropped the cap to the floor as Thor wrapped his arms around him and held him close. 

Releasing Loki from his hug, Thor took a step back and looked at Loki. “We have a lot to catch up on, brother.”

Loki let out a small laugh. “Indeed we do. I managed to get hold of your old armour if you want it that is. At least then you would have a cape that looks somewhat presentable.” He motioned his hand towards Thor.

“I thank you, brother. I would much like to change into something a little more familiar. Speaking of which, what has happened to your armour?”

Loki looked down at himself. “Ah. I needed something a little different and besides, my old armour got ruined on the journey to Sakaar. I also have spares of my own, which I may change into.”

“Good. I much prefer your other armour. Why did you start to cover your hands up anyway, brother? I thought they were important for your magic.” Thor noticed how Loki’s mood suddenly changed, seeming slightly more sullen. Loki looked at Thor for a few seconds before replying to him.

“I landed on Sakaar long before you did, brother and I wasn't doing too well.” He paused for a brief second before continuing. “Look, if I tell you, please don't be mad.” Loki started to feel anxious about the questions to follow. Thor places his hand on Loki's shoulder and guided him to the bed and sat down next to him.

“Are you okay, Loki?” Thor asked, concerned. Loki never normally offered straight answers like this. Loki glanced at Thor before he unstrapped his hand guards and removed his fingerless gloves and showed his knuckles to Thor. They were red and slightly swollen with a few small scrapes on the joints. “Have you been fighting, brother? These look rather painful.” Thor asked, but Loki just shook his head.

“The grandmaster was adamant that I ate and drank all of his best foods and drinks but he was putting me under so much stress. He did things to me as well. He made me feel like I had to do them or I would end up in the cell with you, or be killed. I only gave consent once but it didn't stop him.” Loki had tears streaming down his face and he looked up at Thor.

“Have you been fighting?” Loki shook his head and took a deep breath.

“I made myself sick, brother.” Loki spoke quietly but Thor just looked at him confused. 

“I'm afraid I don't quite understand. Why were you unwell? What does this have to do with your hands.” Loki avoided Thor's gaze and tugged on his sleeves before answering. 

“I mean I forced myself to throw up. That's why my hands look like that. It's from them scraping against my teeth. I just needed to feel like I had some control.” Loki was still quiet, fearing Thor's reaction. Before he could say anything else he felt Thor grasp him in a tight hug.

“Brother, I am sorry. I should never have left you on that planet for any longer. I do think you should consider seeing Bruce though.” Thor said. He wouldn't normally press Loki into doing things, but he was worried it would become more serious. 

“Okay, but please don't tell anyone “ Loki looked up at Thor and Thor nodded back.

“I promise.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has a chat to Bruce about what is wrong.

Thor had returned to Heimdall's side as they navigated their way to Midgard. He had taken Loki to Bruce's room and left them to talk, anxious about how his brother was getting on.

“Hi Loki, what can I do for you?” Bruce was cheerful and welcoming for eleven o'clock at night. Why was he still up anyway?

“Thor insisted that I come and see you.” Loki looked anxious and uncomfortable. 

“Come and sit down. Did he want you to come for a social visit or did you need to see me for medical reasons?” Bruce was trying to help Loki out and hoped he could make him feel less worried.

“Medical I suppose.” Loki was sat on Bruce's bed fidgeting with his hands.

“Okay. Well anything you tell me will stay between us. You can tell me anything and no one else has to know.” Bruce pulled a chair from the desk and sat down opposite Loki.

Loki looked at Bruce unsure for a moment before he started to take off his gloves and showing his hands to Bruce.

Bruce took Loki's hands and looked at them carefully. “These look pretty uncomfortable. I'll clean them up for you.” Bruce leaned over to the cabinet and pulled out a first aid kit and wiped Loki’s knuckles down with antiseptic wipes before wrapping them in bandages. “Loki these look like teeth marks.” He remarked, looking up at the god.

Loki simply nodded his head and avoided Bruce's gaze.

“Okay. Would you like to tell me how this happened?”

Bruce notices tears falling down Loki's face as he shakes his head. He got up from his chair and sat on the bed next to Loki, putting an arm around him. He tries a different tactic.

“Loki, did you make yourself throw up?” He asked, looking at Loki for any visual signs.

He saw Loki nod his head as he let out more sobs. They sat there for a minute before Loki steadied his breath and spoke. “I just wanted to feel like I had some control.”

Bruce nodded feeling happy that he was getting a response. “Okay. Did this start on Sakaar or has this happened before on Asgard?”

“I have had problems regarding food in the past but this is from Sakaar. I would rather not talk about what the grandmaster did to me, not yet.”

Bruce nods again and decided to ask more questions to get a better idea of what Loki's mental state was like. “Have you done anything else to yourself to feel like you had more control.”

Loki looked at Bruce. “I’m not sure if I understand the question.” He looked confused.

Bruce thought carefully for a second before deciding on what to say. “Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Like, cut yourself if you felt sad or angry.”

Loki‘s eyes started to water and Bruce already knew the answer. “Not in the last two days.” He responded quietly.

“Okay. I would like you to stay nearby at meal times just in case and please come and talk to me if you're having a bad time. I can help you work through some problems.”

Loki nodded and wiped his eyes. “Thank you, Bruce.” 

Bruce smiled. “No problem. I'm always around if you need to talk.”

Loki nodded and left Bruce's room. He decided to head to the makeshift throne room to find Thor.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for description of a panic attack in this chapter, please be careful :)

Walking into the massive hall, Loki saw Thor sitting on his makeshift throne speaking about they journey to Midgard with Heimdall. Not wanting to disturb his brother, he debated leaving until he heard Heimdall speak.

“My king, we shall continue this meeting later, you have more important matters to attend to. Your brother wishes to see you.” Heimdall motioned his arm towards Loki who was standing quietly at the door. Thor turned to face his younger brother and smiled.

“Thank you, Heimdall. Brother, please do come and chat.” Thor encouraged his brother, who tentatively made his way towards the older god as Heimdall made his way out of the room.

“How was your chat with Bruce?” Thor asked politely.

“It went okay. He is going to try and help me recover.” Loki stood next to Thor, who had now stood up and was looking out into the vastness space.

“I am pleased brother. I require your skills to aid in my rule.” Thor glanced over to Loki, who looked confused.

“What?”

“You didn't think i’d really be able to rule the remainder Asgard alone, did you. We both know you were always better when it came to the political side of kingship.” Thor let out a small chuckle, thinking back to when their father would host massive council meetings.

“You want my help. Even after everything I have done. I thought you said the nine realms were in ruin when I was ruling father’s guise. I'm not fit to rule.” Loki found it hard to keep talking as he struggled for breath. His vision started to fade and he felt faint and nauseous. Moving his hands became difficult and they went numb. He reached out to his brother trying to place a hand on him gently but ended up slamming his hand on his arm. He felt lightheaded and his heartbeat was pounding in his ears. Why couldn't he breathe?

Thor was watching his brother concerned. He watched as Loki held a hand to his chest, struggling to breathe, tears falling down his face. 

“Brother? Loki what's wrong?” Thor was worried, unsure of what was happening to his brother.

Loki could hear that Thor was nearby but was unable to hear the words he was saying. Everything sounded blurred and distorted.

Just as thor was starting to worry Bruce came rushing through the door. “The guy with orange eyes said that Loki was distressed.”

Thor turned quickly, grateful for Heimdall’s all seeing eyes and Bruce’s quick response. “Please help him, I don’t know what's wrong, its like he can't breathe.” Thor had one hand resting on Loki's shoulder feeling the speed of Loki’s breath.

Bruce quickly made his way over to the Gods and helped Thor to sit Loki on the floor. Bruce looked up at Thor, whose face held a look of both fear and worry, before turning his attention back to Loki.

“Loki? Loki can you hear me?” Bruce asked placing his hands on Loki's shoulders. 

Loki nodded his head before attempting to speak to the doctor. “Help me, can't breathe.” He brought a hand to the collar of his armour, tugging at it hard.

Bruce took his other hand and brought it against his own chest and spoke calmly to Loki, keeping his own breathy as steady as possible. “Loki, just try and feel my breathing under your hand okay. You're going to be okay, don't worry. Just take nice deep breaths.”

Loki concentrated on feeling the rhythm of Bruce's chest and mimicked his breathing as close as possible. After a few minutes, his breathing had evened out and he was left feeling drained.

“How are you feeling now?” Bruce was keeping a close eye on Loki as he helped him lean back against the window.

“Tired.” Loki said quietly before looking up at Thor. “I'm sorry, brother.”

Thor shook his head and sat down next to Loki, putting an arm around his shoulder. “Whatever for?” He looked down at Loki confused.

Before Loki could answer, Bruce spoke again. “Loki, has anything like this happened before?”

Loki nodded his head before replying. “I was around 15, in Midgardian years, when it first happened. I thought I was dying. I told mother and she taught me some techniques to help me calm down, but sometimes they don't work.”

Bruce nodded. “Did she say what they were?” 

Loki nodded his head. “Panic attacks.”

“Yeah. They’re not uncommon, I’ve had them plenty of times.” Bruce smiled sadly.

Thor turned to face Bruce. “I'm afraid I don't quite understand, Banner. What are these panic attacks?”

“They're what can happen when your body over exaggerates it's response to fear, danger, stress and sometimes excitement and unfortunately, they can happen at any time.”

Thor nodded and turned his attention back to Loki, who had his eyes closed. “Brother, what normally happens after one of these attacks?”

Loki's eyes remained closed as he responded. “I'm normally able to get to my chambers before I start to panic badly.” Loki's voice cracks as a tear runs down his face. “Mother usually helps me get to sleep.” 

Bruce and Thor wrap their arms around Loki to comfort him. “Thor, I think we should take him to his room.” Bruce said loosening his grip. Thor nodded as they stood, helping Loki up.

The trip to Loki's room was smooth and uneventful. Thor helped Loki into bed, while Bruce got some water and a small bowl of fruit to put by Loki's Bedside. They left him to sleep peacefully and agreed to check back regularly throughout the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned, there is mention of bulimia in this chapter.

Early the next morning, Thor had already risen and was sat in the private feasting hall when he was greeted at the table by Valkyrie, who had remained in her traditional Asgardian attire. She moved to the other side of the table and sat opposite Thor.

Loki had also made his way to the private room, having been awake for many hours, but had stopped just outside the door when he heard Thor and Valkyrie talking to each other, regarding him.

“You’re looking grim this morning.” Val put her bottle down on the table and looked at Thor.

“I’m just worried about my brother.” He looked up at Valkyrie and smiled.

“Loki?” Valkyrie snorted and continued. “Why are you worried about him? The Grandmaster took great care of him.” She took a swig from her bottle before chucking it behind her, allowing it to shatter against the wall.

“What?” Thor looked confused by what Val was trying to tell him.

“I mean he’s been looked after. He got new clothes and has obviously been fed well, he’s not exactly underweight.” She stood from her seat and walked round to the other side of the table, sitting down again next to Thor. “He can look after himself you know.”

Thor nodded silently, thinking about what he should next tell her.

Outside the room, Loki found himself poking at his stomach after hearing Valkyrie’s comment. Looking back at the door, he decided to go into the room, hoping that he just misunderstood what she had said.

“Brother, it is good to see you.” Thor smiled brightly at Loki.

Loki replied as happily as he could manage. “Good morning, Thor.” 

“Would you like some breakfast brother, we have a long day ahead of us.” Thor stood from his seat and took his plate over to the cabinet.

Loki shook his head. “No thank you, brother. I'm not hungry at the moment.” He knew it was a small lie, but hopefully, his brother wouldn't notice. 

Valkyrie rose from the table once again before making her way over to the door. “That surprises me. I would have thought you of all people would have been starving. Anyway, I have an inventory check to do with Korg, so if you don't mind.” With that Valkyrie left the room.

The doubt Loki had felt before entering the room had increased. Maybe he didn't misunderstand and he really was getting fat. He thought of a quick excuse to leave and go after Valkyrie. “Do excuse me, brother, but I did actually come to talk to Valkyrie. I'll come back and see you later. I shouldn't be long.” He stayed near the door, waiting for an answer before leaving.

“Of course brother, I will see you shortly.” Thor nodded his head towards Loki.

Loki left the room and ran down the corridor only just managing to catch up with Valkyrie.  
“Hey.” He said loudly. Val turned around to face him and crossed her arms. “What was that about in there?” He asked, annoyed.

“Just simply making an observation. You can’t deny that your armour is…” She paused momentarily. “Tight fitted, shall we say. Look, all I'm saying is that maybe a diet wouldn't be a bad idea.” She flashed him a small smile.

Loki looked down at himself and back up to meet her eyes. “A diet?” He asked, slightly shocked at what he was hearing.

“And maybe some new clothes.” With that, Valkyrie turned and carried on her walk down the corridor.

Feeling incredibly sick, Loki decided to head back to his chambers. Once he returned to locked the door and went into his bathroom. Ripping off his right arm guard and glove he used magic to quickly remove Bruce's bandages before sitting in front of the toilet and pushed his hand into his mouth. Once nothing but bile started to come up he weakly raised his arm to flush. He managed to drag himself onto his bed and drank two cups of water before lying down and closing his eyes.

A few hours had passed and Thor was still waiting on Loki to return back to see him. Deciding now would be a good time, he set off to his brother's room hoping to find him there.

Arriving at Loki's door Thor immediately tried to enter, as usual, but instead found it locked. Puzzled, he knocked loudly on the door. “Loki? Loki are you in there?” He knocked again.

Hearing the loud banging, Loki awoke with a start. It took him a few seconds to realise what was going on. Still feeling slightly weak, he managed to pick himself up from the bed and unlock the door. “Sorry brother, I fell asleep.” He rubbed an eye as he made his way back to his bed. 

Thor followed closely behind and shut the door behind him, noticing how hoarse his brother's voice sounded. “I'm sorry for waking you, brother. You did say you weren't going to be long but you have been gone for a few hours.” Thor glanced around the room as he spoke.

Loki's eyes widened at Thor's statement. He wasn't supposed to sleep for that long. “I didn't get much sleep last night. I was quite tired.” He played off, convincingly.

Thor sat down next to Loki on the bed. “You do not look well brother. Is everything okay?” He placed a hand to Loki's forehead before removing it again.

Loki nodded his head. “I'm fine brother, you need not worry.” Loki put his hands in his lap before realising he had forgotten to put his glove back on.

Thor had also noticed as well. “Where is your other glove brother?” Before Loki had the chance to answer, Thor took the uncovered hand and had a closer look at it. “Your hand is worse than it was yesterday brother.” He slid his thumb carefully over the redness.

Loki snatched his hand away and used his magic to conjure up a new glove and arm guard. “I just scraped it on something, nothing for you to worry about.” 

Thor simply nodded and stood up from the bed. “I will leave you to rest brother, you look exhausted. I will come and wake you up in a few hours.” Loki nodded in return, lying down where they had just been sitting.

Leaving the room, Thor went to find Bruce to help him instead and made a mental reminder to wake Loki up again before lunch.


	5. Chapter 5

Working hard with Bruce, lunchtime approached quickly. Thor had praised Bruce's hard work and they had a catch up on all that they had missed since Sokovia.

“Bruce, I'm afraid I must go and wake Loki. It is almost lunch and he hasn't eaten yet.” Thor was about to stand when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I'll get him, you stay here. You deserve a break.” Thor nodded and thanked Bruce as he left the room.

Bruce knocked on Loki's door and heard a quiet invitation in from the other side. He entered the room, seeing Loki sat on his bed.

“I said I would come and wake you. It's almost lunch.” Bruce made a few steps forward. 

Loki nodded, making no attempt to move. 

“Thor said you didn't have any breakfast.” Bruce asked. He pulled up a nearby chair and sat down.

“I wasn't hungry.” Loki glanced over at Bruce, who just nodded.

“Has everything been going okay?” Bruce asked, concerned for the god.

Loki nodded as he played with the edges of his arm guard. 

“It is important that you eat Loki. You need to keep your strength up.” Bruce looked concerned for Loki. “I'm not going to make you eat everything there, just enough that it will help you feel better.”

Realising Bruce wasn't going to give in, Loki reluctantly agreed and got up out of bed.

Back in the private feast hall, lunch had just been served. Thor was sat in between Valkyrie and Heimdall and Korg was sat the opposite side with Meik. Other places at the table were filled with a few of the councilmen that survived Hela’s rampage. Bruce decided to sit next to Korg, so Loki only had to be next to him. He was grateful that idle chatter filled the room.

“Bruce, Loki. Good of you to join us. Please, enjoy.” Thor said excitedly as the two men sat down at the table.

Valkyrie had enjoyed her little chat with Loki earlier that day and decided to carefully watch him at the table. She wanted revenge from that stunt he pulled on Sakaar because she didn't want to relive those memories. Noticing earlier how insecure he seemed about his eating habits, she decided now would be the best time to listen in to what he and Bruce were saying.

Bruce filled both his and Loki's plate with food. He placed Loki's plate in front of him and sat back down. Still feeling sick, Loki just looked at the plate that was filled with fruit, bread and cheese.

Noticing Loki hadn't eaten yet, Bruce glanced over. “Just start with some fruit. You don't have to eat everything.” Loki looked at Bruce with a worried look on his face and then back at the plate of food.

He decided to eat a few grapes, reasoning that they were mostly water anyway. He ate seven, which was roughly half of the amount Bruce had given him.

“Do you think you could try something else?” Bruce asked, unaware that Valkyrie was listening to their whole conversation.

She was internally confused as to why Bruce was babying Loki with his food and listened in more closely for more information. She had decided back on Sakaar that she wanted to make Loki pay for making her relive those memories.

After eating some more grapes and a couple of apple slices Loki turned to Bruce. “I think that's all I can manage. If I eat any more, I'll want to make myself sick again.” 

Bruce smiled sympathetically. “You have done well. I'm proud of you. I do have to ask though. Were you really not hungry at breakfast time?” Bruce asked looking at Loki.

He shook his head. “I had been lying in bed for a while before I went to get breakfast. The thought of eating all that food with Thor and Val watching me like the Grandmaster did just became too much.” 

Bruce placed a hand on Loki's shoulder. “It's okay. I'll speak to Thor later because I'm not sure how much he understands about eating disorders. Does he know you've been through this before.” Bruce asked gently, recalling what Loki had told him beforehand.

Loki shook his head. “I don't think anybody knew. If mother and father noticed, they didn't say anything. Please don't tell him it's happened before. He'll just think I'm doing it to get his attention.”

“Okay. I won't say anything you don't want me to. What about Valkyrie?” 

“No. I wasn't kind to her on Sakaar and she understandably hates me. She can't know about this.” Bruce saw Loki's eyes glisten with unspilled tears and nodded.

“Loki I'm sure you two can patch things up if you had a chat about what happened. Hate is a strong word. You don't have to tell her about making yourself sick, just apologise for whatever happened and see how it goes from there.” He tried to convince Loki.

“I'll think about it.” At the moment, he knew he wasn't going to. Not after what happened earlier this morning. He wasn’t ready to tell Bruce about that incident yet, she would just deny it anyway.

“Good. Would you like to stay with me after lunch? I'm trying to find a way to contact Tony and let him know where on the way.” Bruce knew Jarvis was capable of picking up alien signals because he was able to predict Thor coming. Maybe he could get Heimdall to open the Bifrost so someone could tell Tony in person.

Loki nodded. “Okay.”

“Great, we might as well get going then .” They got up from the table and headed back to Bruce's room.

Valkyrie watched as they left. She had found out plenty of information but was unsure. It was cruel to find out this kind of thing, especially because Loki didn't want her to find out, but he made her watch her girlfriend die at the hands of his sister. Maybe he deserved it.


	6. Chapter 6

Bruce had taken apart some old communication equipment from parts of the ship that no longer needed such devices. He hoped that he would be able to come up with something to try and communicate with Earth and at least let Tony know they were coming. Loki had started off trying to help Bruce come up with a working device but he had become more and more distracted over the following hour and a half. Bruce decided to say something when he saw Loki was sat in a corner with his knees pulled to his chest. He went over to the God slowly and crouched down in front of him. 

“Loki? Is everything okay?” Bruce asked, his voice laced with concern. Loki lifted his head slightly and looked at Bruce with tears in his eyes.

“I just want to stop the voice. I don't want to cave in to the urges.” He gripped his arms tighter around his knees.

“Can you tell me what urges?” Bruce had an idea of what Loki was on about, but he wanted to be sure.

“I need to make myself throw up. I could just teleport away if I wanted, you know.” He was trying hard not to show Bruce that he was shaking.

Bruce smiled softly at Loki. “Then why haven't you? Not that I'm not grateful that you haven't.”

Loki shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know. Guess I just don't want to break your trust. You're the only friend I have and that's more important than what I am feeling.”

“I'm proud of you Loki.” Bruce stood up and took a glass of water from the side. “Here drink this. It might help settle your stomach a little. I think we should have a chat later about how you feel about yourself.”

Loki nodded. “Thank you.” he smiled as he took the glass. “Can I come with you when you talk to Thor? I need to try and explain some things to him.”

“If that's what you'd like.” Bruce said and Loki nodded.

“I'm ready when you are.” Loki said as he took a large sip from the glass.

“Okay. We'll go now then. I don't want to stress you out.” Bruce took the glass back and placed it on the same table he picked it up from.

Thor had already retired to his own chambers for a break and was relaxing on his bed when he heard the knock at his door. 

“Enter!” Thor spoke loudly. He smiled when he saw Bruce and Loki come in, closing the door behind them. 

They didn't realise that Valkyrie had seen them and had decided to listen through the thin metal doors, adamant she would destroy Loki.

“Hi, Thor. We've come to have a chat with you about Loki’s eating disorders.” Bruce said as he sat down at the small table that was in Thor's room.

Loki and Thor followed and occupied the remaining seats at the table. “Is everything okay, brother?” Thor asked concerned and Loki nodded.

Bruce decided to start off the conversation. “Has Loki told you about how he has been feeling lately?”

“Well, he hasn't really told me anything. I was unaware that he had panic attacks and he only told me yesterday that he had been making himself sick on purpose. I'm afraid that's all I know.” Thor tried not to sound upset but was unable to hide it from Loki, who looked guilty for hiding these things from his brother.

Val smiled to herself outside the door. So she had definitely heard correctly at the feast table and now she had even more information. How far could she push him before he had a panic attack? She was determined to find out.

“Do you know why he might want to make himself sick?” Bruce asked tentatively. 

Thor glanced at Loki before shaking his head. “He said something about control. I don't quite understand, I'm sorry, brother.”

Loki gave Thor a small smile. “There has been more than one reason, brother. I'm afraid it's quite complicated.” He looked over at Bruce for help. 

“Has Loki mentioned the Grandmaster at all?” Bruce was unsure if this would be an effective subject. He didn’t want to upset Loki. 

“Yes, only briefly. I know little of what happened during our time on Sakaar.” 

“So from what I understand, the Grandmaster didn’t take any notice when it came to consent. Experiences like that can cause people to do things like making themselves sick or not eating at all or by hurting themselves on purpose as a way to feel like they have more control over their bodies.” Bruce explained in the simplest of terms for Thor.

“You would never hurt yourself on purpose would you, brother?” Thor asked looking straight at Loki. His tone was almost accusing of Bruce.

Loki avoided Thor's gaze and stared at the table. He slowly nodded his head. “I’m sorry.”

Thor’s eyes started to water as he was left speechless by his brother's confession.

Loki used his magic to lift his sleeves and show his arms to Thor. They were covered in various cuts and burns. Some of the cuts were still fresh on his skin. “I was going to tell you at some point, brother, I know I can’t hide it forever. I don’t want to hide from you anymore.”

“Loki, some of these cuts are from a few hours ago.” Thor said as he held Loki’s hands lightly in his own, his voice soft.

“I’d rather not talk about it, brother. One of the reasons I didn’t tell that I’ve been cutting myself is because I was worried you would think I was only trying to get your attention.” Loki was unable to meet Thor’s eyes.

Val couldn't believe what she was hearing. This was too good to be true. She knew she would have to be careful with how she went about with her plans but she couldn't wait to watch Loki fall by her own hand. She could definitely find a way to expose his wrists to everybody.

“I’m sorry I ever made you feel like that. You said there was more than one reason for doing this, brother. If control is one what are the others.” Thor’s face was a mix of hurt and confusion.

Loki looked to Bruce. He knew that meant Loki would rather not say, and understood that he was allowed to explain to Thor. “Loki has been having some issues regarding his self-image. Sometimes he makes himself sick so he can try and lose weight. These issues mean that sometimes, he will also skip meals. He hasn’t told me about the self-harm.” Bruce gave Loki a reassuring smile.

Thor looked upset. “Brother, is this why you didn't eat breakfast?”

Loki nodded. “Yes. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier brother but I didn't know how.” A few tears fell down Loki’s face.

“It's alright. I would never be mad with you.” Thor wanted nothing more than Loki to be happy.

“Thor, I’m helping Loki to work through his problems and I encourage you to help. There are a few things you should be wary of though.” Bruce said, knowing Thor would be onboard with his plans.

“I'm listening.” Thor was going to make sure he could help as best as he could.

“Okay. I would like you to try not to constantly watch over Loki at meal times. If you make him uncomfortable he won't eat anything. Also, try not to push things too much. If he has eaten a small amount or tells you he is full, don't ask him to eat any more. It'll make him more likely to throw up again.” 

Thor nodded. “I can manage that. I only wish for Loki to be well again.”

“Thank you, brother.” Loki smiled at Thor warmly.

After hearing the conversation come to an end Valkyrie decided to head back to her own chambers and write some of this information down so she could form a plan. She had many ideas for her revenge and she was going to make sure that she could do as many of them as possible. Hopefully, she thought, it would be easy to emotionally blackmail him into silence. 

“We should get back to my room now, I have some new ideas on what can be used to help get a transmission signal.” Bruce said as he stood up from the small table. 

As Bruce and Loki walked back down a corridor to Bruce's room, Bruce noticed Loki had stopped. He turned around to face him and noticed him take something small out of his pocket. “Loki?” He asked confused

“I would like you to keep this with you. It's a teleportation device I took from the Grandmaster.” Loki held out a small device with two buttons on it. 

“Why do I need this?” Bruce took the small device from Loki and held it carefully.

“I have the other side to it. When I press the button on my end it will give your side a signal and you can push the button on yours and get teleported to me. It works the other way around as well. I would like you to keep it so if I ever need you urgently you can come. I will probably use it most if I am panicking and can't calm down.” Loki said the last bit quieter than the rest, but Bruce understood.

“Of course. I'll make sure I have it everywhere. Don't be afraid to call me at night if you need to either. I'll still come.” Bruce smiled and took another look at the small device.

“Thank you. I cannot count how many times I have been panicking so badly I have passed out.” 

Bruce smiled sadly as he put the device into his pocket. They made their way back to Bruce's room.


End file.
